Monday, April 25, 2016


Ring Ring Telemarketers Sing

"Mr. Doe you've won a free cruise,
It's a chance you don't want to loose."

"No, no, no" I say.
Responds she, "but there is nothing to pay."

"No, no, no" I insist,
"Please take this number off of your list."

"Well what about Las Vegas then?
Give the old wheel of fortune a spin."

"No, no, no I won't go!"
"Well then do you want to ski in the snow?"

"I want to sit in my chair,
I don't want a free trip anywhere."

"Mr Doe you're not being rational,
What if the trip was international?"

"How about Costa Rica or Belize?
What about Italy or Greece?"

"No, no. I want to stay here!
I hold my country very dear."

"I have good news Mr Doe,
I know the place you'd love to go."

"Mr. Doe you've won a trip for two,
To historic Timbuktu."

I say, "Golly gee golly!"
"You mean I get to go to Mali?"

"That's right Mr Doe and you get to choose.
To travel on a camel with one lump or twos?"

Timbuktu part 2

The telemarketer said all travel they will reimburse,
So to get to Miami I booked a chauffeur and a hearse.

If the thought makes you frown,
Think of the advantages to travel lying down.

In Miami I booked a yacht and crew,
I told them to set sail for Timbuktu.

It was quite pleasant at sea,
I was enjoying crumpets and tea.

Then by radio the captain was told,
Return to port and lock me in the hold.

It was the telemarketers first day on the job,
Her supervisor thinks this trip I did rob.

Back in Miami they sent me to jail,
The cost of the trip was set as my bail.

In jail I am having a ball,
It is the one place were no telemarketers call.

Friday, April 22, 2016

Hole Theory

Hole Theory
(Medical Warning: do not read without coffee on board)

Can a hole,
Not be whole?
My yard is missing a hole,
Someone stole.

Doesn't anyone care,
My hole isn't there?
I told the police someone stole,
My whole favorite hole.

They asked to see the spot,
But show them I could not.
It was a spot with nothing there!
I can't find nothing anywhere.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Eating Tulipd

Eating Tulips

Tulips are in fact edible.
My decision to try one was regrettable.
The flavor is not "finger lickin",
They taste like grass not like chicken.

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Don't judge the Sloth

Don't Judge the Sloth

If You ate upside down,
Without a smile or a frown,
And each foot had but two toes,
They'd call you a sloth too,
I do suppose.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Changing Theology

Changing Theology

I believed God does hide,
Until a ruby throated hummingbird I spied.
For want of proof some Theism do scoff,
I think this bird's maker is showing off.
Its heart beats 1260 times in a minute,
Its wings beat 4800 times in a minute.
The tiny 3 gram bird can fly 500 miles non stop across the Gulf of Mexico.
It can fly frontward, backward, and hover.
They arrived in Kentucky in April.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Eyes not Ears

Eyes not Ears
(A Reflection on The Problem of Evil)

I was;
Wounded by a human hand,
Slandered by a human tongue,
And Shunned by a human group.

Should I be mad, or angry, or distressed? Of course, It is only human. But ...

When human hands helped me heal I saw the hand of God.
When human tongues spoke kind words I heard the voice of God,
When human groups welcome me I met the people of God.

I pray for those who did me wrong. They may yet do evil but I hope not. The real lesson is not in the hurting but in seeing God in the healing. Like Job ...

"I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you"

Fun with Ouse

Fun with Ouse

In my house,
Lives no mouse,
A great relief,
For my spouse.

In my beard,
Lives no louse,
A relief for me,
And my spouse.

But if a cucumber,
I do souse,
It might be eaten,
By my spouse.

Silly poems,
I do espouse,
A little humor,
To arouse.

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Impossible Odds

Impossible Odds

My most clever verse,
My essay most terse,
My wisest wise words,
My jests most absurd.

With a flower can not compete,
Nor with the prints of baby feet,
Nor with the scent of a rose,
Nor with the evening sun's soon repose.

Yet some men ponder,
Is there a God up yonder?
If the reverse were true,
I would ponder God too.